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By EWALT AINSWORTH                         08 02 2012

Lukanani is a Caribbean staple and the throngs…(not thongs) of women who will be coming, winging, wailing, singing, drinking, dancing and licking they fingers after a meal of the GT fish deserves a standing ovation.

After all …CARIBANA  is we and whether we licking we finger or clicking we ass we always thinking of new and creative ways to maintain the grass.  We is the only people in the whole wide world that when we vex, we does wine in time.  Ask Sally Mae.

CARIBANA is also the only festival in the whole wide world that addresses the social and economic prowess of the Caribbean people; we have two everything.. two car, two joints,  two face, two false teeth, two back pockets and two bank accounts, two-car garage, two Lolo and two timer.  There is no midway point.  Nobody goes to CARIBANNA hoping for the best.  We are the best; best thinking, best smelling, best tasting,  best dressed, best looking, best cooking and breastless.   We alas doing a few classes on line, exercising and keeping up appointments  at the doctor.  Caribana is we coming out and graduation ceremony.  We simply love to be examined and pass examinations especially CXC and ‘look-a-nanny’ visual appraisals.  We does oil down with coconut oil and put hot-bread under we arm, wash we business with money-bush or aloe-vera fuh stinging nettles.  Plus we does be drinking bush to make sure we blood ent sweet so that when we hit the street, we looking neat.  ASOMELYKAM.               

The people who go to CARIBANA are the card-bearing variety who shop at big-box stores like COSTCO and BJs.  If you shop at WALMART or ZELLERS or BOTTOM DOLLAR you have no business at CARIBANA.  Mall-adjusted people too should not be on the premises or environment knowing full well you have a budget.  A lot of Torontonians cannot be accounted for this week;  they gone away to family in New Jersey and Florida so that they can be taken care of rather than take care of their own.  (Call name and I would whistle).

CARIBANA is about the pursuit of happiness; you may be in pursuit of happiness but running from the problem does not solve the problem.  Having someone over may be a gateway or a pathway or a window for that matter, in resolving the mutual issues.  We are all in this thing together and never think that you or she or he is any different.  It is thinking that we are different makes us all alike so you better look at your nanny and share yuh lukanani.

CARIBANA is the biggest money making festival industry globally and now that  SCOTIABANK running things, both you and I know you better get yourself some debt and depression counseling.  If you wake up this morning humming,  thinking about Shadow, Arrow, Sparrow or Lord Laro yuh better make arrangements fuh the children go by the father while you are away.  Already you can’t stand them especially that big head one, Junior…send him to his daddy so that he can get some love and attention and some lukanani in rigor mortice. .  SCOTIA has no interest in your recovery and discovery process and or everyday people.

You do not have to apply for the SCOTIA PREMIUM gold card; all you need is a flat behind and you is Indian and they send you a premium CARIBANA card.

SCOTIA  now has branches in every island…Hogg Island, Cow island, St Lucie, Trinidad, Jamaica, Barbados, Antigua et al.  Nobody does it better than Scotia in terms of disrupting yuh life plans and making one-fuh-one a life style issue.  But at this time I will not expound and or extrapolate. (Look the lukanani jucie dropping on your shirt /skirt…..lick-it-up).

Folks who are saddled with extreme debt and have to shop at the big-box stores to save a dollar or two are the same people who show up on the mega-bus the morning after the night before clapping roti and making a lukanani stew to cut costs. The price of food has doubled in the world and one would think that SCOTIA would intensify agri-loans and make the users producers…nope.  It is about reverse mortgages…  backin-back and backing-up.  MAN IN FRONT AND MAN BEHNID is the language of love.

Folks too who have their children drive them in the middle of the night to get them to the job and catch the cross town bus in the morning to bring them back home are also those who come in thongs and sports bra to have a good time in the Toronto sun.

CARIBANNA is fete and more fete.  The organizers make sure that they get started after the happy-hour of 7.00 am on a Monday morning where most deaths are recorded in the diaspora.  The organizers also make sure that the revelers who can be Trini-to-the-bone or Jamaican ganga-stoned or GT self centered and money-honed….  Lukanani is the choice dish in front of snow cone.   POPEYES used to be a big-thing but get-away-inflation making everybody a rasta.  Pasta is a poor substitute and with prices going through the window and out the door, lukanani the freshwater fish from Guyana, is on the horizon.  Give yuh man some and you would derive the sum-total of your cold subject.

Curry goat and ox-tail too used to be a staple at CARIBANA but these days since REDJET and EASY-JET everything get hard and difficult.  You go to an Italian or Jewish festival; they reduce all prices so that every sympathizer and scrutinizer can get access.  But wee…wee the people, once we get something, we overheat, overcharge, over price, over-do and over-done.  It is hard to over-stand how we could do we self so.  And when we can’t get we way, we shoot to kill.  (See Tuesday’s STABROEK NEWS for best results).  Not only do we shoot ourselves but in the wrong places and for the wrong reasons.  We shoot each other for looking at we nanny.  We CRAZY over we nanny when in fact there is more than one fish in the sea.

The Chinese bus used to be so convenient, cheap and sweet but now that they pull the buses off the road folks got to line up and join the lukanani line…man in front and man behind, women still pour in by the gazillions with body piercings and mind-altering looks.  Charters and characters come from Katmandu, Singapore, Sydney, Belgium, Seychelles, Khartoum,  Bon Finn and Boa Vista.  The traditional ports of departure make way for the nontraditional ports of entry; some come for a day while others only last a night.

In Toronto too, the purported CARIBBEAN stores not selling items from the region.  Everything is coming from Thailand, Bangalore, Sao Paulo and Timbuktu.  SCOTIA bank has made it possible for these items to be re-distributed and repackaged giving the innocent reveler the feeling of feeling good when in fact the felling has no feelings.

The Toronto stores are not taking credit cards.  The exchange rate is one-fuh-one and one has to pay upwards of six lunees to get ATM cash and a maximum of two hundred dollars.  A case or two of  BANKS or  CARIB costs that.  The new Canadian currency comes in plastic with a see-thru window to avoid counterfeiting.  But if only they know that we does think.  We is about bacchanal, backdoor, back-ball, back-to-back and bacchus.  Allow me please to back-off.  HAVE A LUKANANI; HAVE A GOOD TIME.

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