INTENSIVE SCARES UNIT                            02 12 2012


Valentine is the time for giving; the gift must not be outcome oriented but pleasant, plural and palatable.  GT peeps like to scramble at the last minute and pick-up something last minute and synthetic and expect it to work.  The ideal gift must be both beneficial to the giver as it is to the receiver but these last two or three years in the midst of this global economic crisis I have been getting some intensive scares in the homes and units of some of my brethren and countrymen.  Things are getting chaotic and more chaotic in this no-fault divorce arena.

There was a time when I used to think that the more you give, the more you will get.  Nope.  Some people have made it a job to be dissatisfied and to divest themselves, when the masculine half rules the roost.  In other words the man may be wearing the pants but the woman wearing the buckta.  Five hours into a scrubby wedding, I got a rude awakening; I got an intensive scare as the wife took the microphone and proceeded to speak.  This is the second time in my 59 years experience I have ever seen wife take mike and thank guests for the gifts and participation.

The wedding was a catered affair at the upscale GOODWOOD manor in New Jersey.  This venue is known for the ultimate coziness and theme-oriented ambiance at “Valentines”.  There was an ice sculpting of the couple and another one to the side featuring a dove.
The food was great and the candles scented but the wife, too bold to be true.

After a mid-afternoon of celebrations, we repaired to the housing unit in Morris Plains and the woman refused to cook.  She was very pointed in saying that “my job description is not about you and your friends; this is America” … and went on to mumble a few more things implying that she was not a cookrete; “when I cook is for me and my seven children and is not about you” referring to her new husband.  He too has just as many children but with three former wives none of whom were present or represented.

Last year about this time too another companero imported a bride and she demanded a car that can give 0 to 100 miles in 60 seconds.  My friend took her to WALMART and bought her a bathroom scale and within 10 seconds of her stepping on it, the instrument panel read 214 lbs.  She managed to stay on and a wedding is in the air as we speak.

Two summers ago I visited with yet another family in the Washington Commons condominiums in East Orange.  I had known the super personally and he in turn introduced me to Koko from Togo.  Koko’s live-in girlfriend was Guyanese and the day when I visited, she was preparing to go out.  She had to four-seam her pants and utilized the fan that was generating breeze in the studio apartment.  Apparently, the man was a bit disturbed because all she had on was her foundation garments.  I only caught on to the verbal transactions when she alluded to my vision and overtly remarked “if he see two he can tek one.”

I understood what she was saying but Koko’s first language is French and he did not understand the GT lingo.  Shortly after, they exchanged physical punches, and she got dirty and used some expletives.  “The two toddlers in the home heard; I heard but nobody was disappointed.

I later cautioned them both about the office of husband/father.  She complained that he was a great provider but not a great husband.  He always pursues her to find out where she was going, her work schedule and social affiliations.  Fatherhood is an office like the office of the President and irrespective of whom the president is, he must be respected.  My GT friend did not grasp the concept and said she only respects her own father and mother “even though they don’t respect me.”  I found a reason to leave as soon as it was safe.

Gift giving at Valentine does not necessarily equate or equalize the gift of tolerance and understanding.  These are practices and rituals that must be performed daily.  The sun gives the gift of light and does not ask for anything in return.  By the same token especially between and among families, we give something when we want something.  The ideal must be to give from a totally unknown and unsolicited source, we will all get something back.

When we do not get something in life, it means we have not given.  This does not mean that you will stand at the street corner or hotel lobby and give a dime or a sapodilla to all passersby.  All it means is that you will give a seat to an elderly person or say thank you if someone holds the door for you.  A smile too can be a gift.  Paying your bills on time is also a gift.

Too often the intensive scares we all experience are because we withhold and withdraw after each deposit.  Make this Valentine a giving one irrespective of your station in life.

Ewalt “Waltie” Ainsworth –


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